Parenthood is patience
It's hard to imagine a life without conflicts, especially if you have a large family or teenage children. Stresses, endless shouts and quarrels, tire more than the most difficult work, because internal, family well-being is the main source of energy.
About the participants in the conflict, the above is said selectively, because in every family there are unpleasant situations, therefore it is necessary to disassemble common models and typical situations. Adult relationships will not be considered, so let's look at the problems associated with the behavior of children. Ideally, you can reduce the number of controversial situations to the lowest possible level, but for this, of course, you need to learn to control your emotions.
At once I will say that in order to transform the situation and exclude conflicts, it is necessary to reload the relationship. Zero the intensity of passions and enter a new, more qualitative level of communication. A turning point can happen at any time, as soon as you change your attitude and show the child other, positive emotions. Actually, therefore, do not delay the climax, because the sooner you start to change your life, the faster you will enjoy the results of such changes.
A happy and calm mother is not the product of the stormy imagination of Hollywood screenwriters, but an accessible reality. Most typical conflicts are four stages of development :
- pre-conflict stage;
- an open stage of conflict development;
- Post-conflict .
If the first stage removes the emerging contradictions, the conflict will not develop. According to the reaction of the participants, the resolution of any situation can be adequate or aggressive, so the total number of your problems depends on the alignment of the relationship at this stage.
The consequences of the initial development of a quarrel may be different, but in any case everything leads to a single denominator. If you delay the development of the conflict, help deterrence or, on the contrary, accelerate the confrontation, it does not matter. The main thing is that you are not trying to assess the situation and if possible to calm emotions, do nothing.
More often than not, realizing a possible threat to our interests leads to the fact that we do not react to the pre-conflict stage and are waiting for the situation to turn into an open stage.
The sharp increase in emotional tension, the displacement of an adequate perception of the situation as a whole, the growth and polarization of interests, and the expansion of the boundaries of the primary conflict are inherent in the stages of the peak, open stage. It is important to understand that at that time the possibility of a joint, quiet solution to the problem is lost. The extinction of the conflict will occur more quickly if it ceases deliberately, without waiting for a typical fading, associated with emotional burnout and the end of arguments. As it is banal, however the conflict is not possible at absence of participants of dispute, therefore fast and effective way of the termination of quarrel is self-liquidation. Just do not go, slam the door or close in your room. It is important to inform the person with whom the quarrel has arisen, that you need to think everything over and you will express your point of view on the discussed issue later. That is, argue the exclusion from the situation, so that it does not look like a hysterical act.
Conflict resolution usually occurs only in the awareness of the need for constructive interaction and in different life situations this takes a different amount of time. As a complex psychological and social phenomenon, conflict studies conflictsology, so do not be surprised that it is sometimes difficult for us to control ourselves and solve the problems that arise peacefully.
By the way, conflicts are chronic and spontaneous, and the first, unconsciously provoked, and they are more difficult to avoid. Most interpersonal conflicts, including quarrels with children, have deep internal causes, so alignment of many situations depends on the ability of parents to competently respond to emerging assumptions . If you notice that the child is hot-tempered and aggressively responds to certain topics, help him understand the reasons for the rejection and say fears. For one and even three times the prerequisites are not eliminated, however hard work and your desire to support the child will help to establish communication.
The discrepancy between expectations, as the main reason for intra-family quarrels, helps us draw conclusions and adjust the emerging conflict still at the stage of origin. Put yourself in the place of the child and do not narrow the range of his possibilities to total control and manipulation. Give more freedom to children, say all the exciting topics, do not react to the harsh words of adolescents and the provocative actions of the kids. Parenthood, this is above all patience , so follow this hint.
It should be noted that some conflicts, especially chronic ones, sometimes require the qualified help of a psychologist, so in particularly difficult situations, contact an experienced specialist who will help quickly prioritize and bring joy back to the house.
Welfare to your families and the joy of communicating with children!